Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Crash and Burn

Something about summer makes celebrities go batshit crazy. It's like they assume that everyone's on vacation, so they can break out their 'festive' outfits, and nobody will notice. Except cameras never forget, and neither do I. Here are the top three offenders of this past week:

I get it, Rihanna, you're androgynous and edgy and out there, and that's all fine and good. I can even embrace her new, half-buzzed hair cut (even though that must be a pain in the ass to maintain). But when said haircut is styled in an Elvis pompadour, and paired with very '80s lipstick and awkward sunglasses, not so much. On top of that, she's wearing a jumpsuit (minus 100000000 style points) that appears to be eating her feet. Or, what scares me even more, she may be wearing a pointelle bodysuit UNDER the jumpsuit. That's a lot of suit for one outfit. Not only is it confusing, especially with those t-strap shoes, but it's unflattering and boring. I never thought I'd call a bodysuit boring. She gets 10 points back for the Tom Binns-esque tangled pearl necklace, though. I'd keep that, trade the sunnies for some Wayfarers, tone down the lipstick, and maybe go for a boyfriend blazer and some skinny pants instead.

Sienna Miller is frustrating me here because I get where she was going with this. I really like all the pieces separately, but all together she looks like the evil spawn of Michael Jackson, a leopard, and an '80s power suit. I'd keep the ponytail, the jacket, and the shoes, and add a high-waisted, gunmetal pencil skirt and a drapey white tank with some silver pendant necklaces instead. That way the jacket gets to be the star of the ensemble, and the other pieces are just as modern, but infinitely more subtle. Or I'd keep the pants, and pair them with a sheer, drapey Kain tee, something soft and relaxed against the stiff glamor of the trousers. But the shirt...the shirt has to go.

And I thought this was Britney Spears, circa 2008. It's actually Lady Gaga. I have nothing else to say. Except that she bears a striking resemblance to a 15 year old Russian prostitute.

Image Sources:
all from gofugyourself.com.

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