Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Golden Globes Red Carpet 2011: The Bad and the Maybe

The good dresses on the red carpet are fun, but the maybe and bad dresses are way, way more fun to talk about, no?

Jenna Ushkowitz in Rebecca Taylor, Kaley Cuoco in Katherine Kidd: Jenna is so, so pretty.  This dress is not as pretty as she is.  The bottom looks like the curtains from a Victorian themed bordello, and the top looks like it came from a bad '90s prom dress.  I love her on Glee, but apparently her stylist doesn't.  I think Kaley Cuoco is a maybe here.  On the plus side, her long ponytail and minimalist jewelry are working really nicely together, and she wears an off-white beautifully.  On the down side, that dress looks like a wedding cake.  I think either fewer ruffled tiers or a different, less bridal color would have totally sold me on this.

Jennifer Love Hewitt in Romona Keveza, Lea Michelle in Oscar de la Renta: Jennifer Love Hewitt is actually wearing a wedding dress.  And she is wearing a wedding dress that is insanely unflattering, gives her shelf boob, and a top bun that is the size of her entire head.  Oh dear.  Watching Lea Michelle try to look likable and not like she wanted to kill everyone else in her category the entire night was highly entertaining.  This dress is also entertaining, but not in a good way.  It's a bit of a hot mess.  I like the color, but it looks wrinkled and like she stapled a giant bunch of excess fabric to her hip.

Helena Bonham Carter in Vivienne Westwood, Eva Longoria in Zac Posen: I can't put Helena Bonham Carter in the bad category, but I can't put her in the good category, so she's hanging out in maybe land.  This Vivienne Westwood dress is exactly what I think that she would wear.  The mohawk hair and mismatched shoes also make perfect sense.  I think she called the look "evil witch fairy," which also fits.  It is mildly insane looking, but if she wore a simple floor length gown we'd all be bored and confused.  Clearly Eva Longoria is gorgeous.  But in this dress she looks like she's in mourning for her marriage.  She should have taken a page out of Reese Witherspoon's book, with that little yellow Nina Ricci dress and cute bangs from the Oscars a few years ago after she split with Ryan Phillippe.  I wish she'd worn something more fun and more 'look at what you're missing out on, Tony Parker" than "please don't look at me, I am dramatically reminding everyone of my divorce."

Natalie Portman in Victor & Rolf, January Jones in Versace: In theory, I like this dress on Natalie Portman.  The colors are quite flattering, and I like the rose detail.  Also she looks better pregnant than most people do ever, which is very annoying.  But doesn't it make her look a lot more pregnant than she actually is?  I think if that extra bit of draping in the front was gone I could love it, but this makes her look 8 months pregnant instead of 4 months or so.  When I saw this January Jones dress from a distance and thought it was just a satin, I liked it.  It's definitely "helloooo, everybody, recognize that I am HAWT," but she pulls off the silhouette very nicely.  But when I realized the whole thing was fringe...too much.  It looks like it was made of trim, and like she could have a wardrobe malfunction at any minute.

Sandra Bullock in Jenny Packham, Christina Aguilera: I like this look on Sandra Bullock.  I like the bangs, I like the shape, color, and detailing of the dress.  But...if feels like she's hiding a bit, no?  I think the bangs are a little too long, and I wish she was showing a little more skin.  Maybe a slit up the side?  Oh, Xtina.  Oh, oh no.  She looks amazing in Burlesque, so I'm blaming the dress and the bad implants for making her look much heavier than she is.  Also the dress just looks trashy.

Amy Adams in Marchesa, Jennifer Lopez in Zuhair Murad: Amy Adams has worn some truly amazing things on the red carpet.  This...this is a let down.  I like the shade of blue, but her hair looks rather dull here, no?  And the organic protrusions on her shoulder and hip don't go with the rest of the dress and aren't very flattering.  Oh, Jennifer Lopez.  You never disappoint.  It's like she took a simple, Grecian dress and then threw a sheer, bedazzled poncho on top of it.  I just don't understand, although on her that story does make a lot of sense.

Halle Berry in Nina Ricci, Michelle Williams in Valentino: Oh, Halle.  I really want to like this because it's Nina Ricci, and she has an AMAZING body for having had a baby 8 months ago, but...it's a little inappropriate.  It's like she put on some gorgeous lingerie and then wrapped some chiffon curtains around her waist and called it good to go.  I think on anyone else this would be a terrible hot mess, but on her it's just a little unfortunate.  Michelle Williams, I want to like everything you wear so badly.  You seem like such a lovely person and you are genuinely adorable, but this dress...this dress is terrible.  Maybe if it was short and belted it would be a cute day dress, but it's blah, it's unflattering, it looks dated, and it's not red carpet appropriate.  I think doing so well with that saffron yellow dress at the Oscars a few years ago kind of sets her up for failure because it really doesn't get any better than that.

Images from nymag.com.


  1. We totally made the same statement about Sandra needing to take a page from Reese's book! haha loves it! I agree with all your points :)

  2. I just love Helena !!!! Her dress is amazing :)

  3. "Watching Lea Michelle try to look likable and not like she wanted to kill everyone else in her category the entire night was highly entertaining."

    This is one of the many reasons why I love you. I wanted to smack her every time she cried. Lea, just because you weep when Glee wins doesn't mean we think you have actual feelings.

  4. Reese had the most fabulous "we broke up and clearly I am doing SO much better without you" moment at the Oscars. And Sandra's ex marrying Kat Von D? Ugh.

    Helena is so fabulous. She is the only person who could pull that off.

    Hahahahaha I'M SO GLAD SOMEONE AGREED WITH ME. She came across as so unlikeable the entire time, even though she was trying so hard to be 'normal.'



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