Wednesday, April 6, 2011

And Now for an Update on Taylor Momsen

Shock and horror, she looks exactly the same!  Or potentially even more like a zombie stripper than she did before.  Before I sarcastically mock TMoms, I just want to say that I understand having a specific look that you wear every day that becomes a part of your persona.  On a much, much more restrained scale, I like to do my cat-eye gel liner every day because 1. I think it works for my eye shape and 2. I have a very hourglassy body type that looks best in '50s style dresses, so I like to do a little '50s style makeup.  So I understand where you're coming from, TMoms.  I just think you've taken it a lil too far.

We get it.  You were all cute in How the Grinch Stole Christmas but now you want to be all grown-up and badass and rebellious.  Fine.  Totally deserved.  But does having hair that looks like it was ripped off the head of a life sized mermaid Barbie doll and then made into a wig used by an extra in Flash Dance really accomplish that?  Or does it say "I am legitimately insane and these mangy extensions are eating into my brain?"  As for picture #2, I'm sorry, but thigh-high pleather boots, a bra, and a button-down are not an outfit unless you are Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman.  TMoms, I'm sorry, but you are no Julia Roberts.

It gets even better.  Why not pair a cheap, Victoria's Secret bustier with a crucifix, thigh-highs, and some sort of odd leg harness?  Perhaps because it makes you look like a futuristic brothel girl who has a Single White Female fixation on Madonna?  Just perhaps.  Also, the "I f*** for Satan shirt?"  Really?  We get it.  You're super badass.  This is just tasteless.  Which one of your parents saw you wear this before you left the house and went, "yes.  I am okay with my daughter wearing this because she looks like a classy young lady with stand-up moral values."  Also, leather granny panties?  Where do you even buy those???

 You know what would be super rebellious for her at this point?  Taking out the extensions, scraping off the eyeliner, and doing a simple, clean Jason Wu-esque outfit, not even super girly but just something uncomplicated and fresh.  Now that would be truly shocking.

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